Its November 6, 2012 at 1:06 AM... can you believe it? I have no idea how it is already November. I can believe in fact that its already passed 1. Since I've been at the University of Iowa I have yet to make it in bed before 1 AM. If I ever did it would truly be a miracle!! But honestly, I like it. I feel like at the late night hours is when God truly reveals himself to me, and when I have to intentionally focus on worshipping our Creator.
College... ahhh. I dont know where to start. Truthfully, it has been a struggle. I know for a fact that at the moment, Iowa is where God has placed me, for one specific reason. Which is to glorify Him and to make his name known. Mostly just to shower people with love and to abolish misconceptions of Christianity. As the number 2 party school...its crazy. And I love it. I love the city. The people. The other Christians that have already impacted my life. My accountability partner. My roomate. But most of all, Ive loved the opportunity to disciple girls. I love talking about Africa. I love opening up about my sin, and exposing my heart. Revealing the darkest chambers of my life just to bring others closer to Christ, and closer to discovering their own testamony. Its been such a spiritual battle here. One minute I feel completely at peace and excited that I am here. The next moment Im broken down, confused, not motivated, and constantly searching because I dont know my next step. And I know that its ignorant of me because I shouldnt have to know my next step when its all part of God's ultimate plan.
Since I've been here, God has been revealing more of my life call. Which is creating part of the battle over my head and all the havoc. None of the majors here entirely interest me... quite frankly... nothing really interests me other than Jesus. And thats part of the problem. ANYTHING I do my first thought is, "Lindsay, if the world ends in 2 minutes, you'd be wasting your time by writing that paper or reading that play for your theatre class that was written in the 1800s when you could be spending your time worshipping Jesus and socializing with others to share his sweet love and community." GAHH! This is my thought all the time! Then I think...oh hey... simple solution...enroll into a bible college and get a ministry degree... then Im like NO, you need that 4 year degree... and if you go into ministry... you need a husband to even do it with because you dont want to do it by yourself... but then i think...what if I will always be single?! and where and when will I meet my soulmate if he even exists?! Then that leads me to my biggest conflict of all.... I've never come across a denomination of a church where im like... "Wow, I entirely believe in their doctrine and I could see myself pursuing a degree amongst this faith base..." You see, Ive grown up around too many denominations and experienced too many denominations that I see the politics behind it all, and the RIDICULOUSNESS of denominations. Jesus came to ABOLISH religion and the concept of Pharisees, and here we are picking and choosing certain verses we want and dont want and want to emphasize on and dont want to emphasize on, when really... we are missing the big picture people!!! Seriously!!! Christianity really is this... Jesus came to save. THE END! Love on that. Read the bible, interpret it, spread the good news, have accountability partners, thrive in the holy spirit and be filled with JOY!!! Of course our nation NEEDS churches to survive. Church can be a place where we can grow and accept the meat and potatoes of our lives through anointed messages. I just wish we had more soley CHRISTIAN churches with no strings attached.
Basically I need prayers. Prayers for focus, for direction, and for LISTENING and to stop thinking so much about where I need to be, where I need to go, and what I need to do.
I've come to realize that I really can't do it on my own. Im only human. Without Jesus, none of us would be anywhere. We wouldnt be able to get anywhere. We would be stagnant in an endless cycle of suckiness. Call out to the Savior. Reach out your hand. Keep reaching until you feel an embrace. He is THERE. Ready to feel your stretched out desperate finger tips.
