The Good-bye.

So, as you all can see.  I blogged last night.  But after this morning reading through my teammates Kirsten and Christina's blog, my heart feels so stirred up.  And it made me realize that I never blogged about the "good-bye."  To be completely honest, I feel like I've almost been deliberately avoiding talking about it.  With so many people asking "How was Africa?" or saying "Tell me about Africa."  The whole concept of me actually being in Africa has become really blurred for me.  Emotionally, all of this has really taken a toll on my heart.  I want to go back so incredibly bad.  Words wont serve justice to describing how badly I want to go back.  I want to go back and embrace the family our team left behind. 

Daisy, the 10 year old girl from the carepoint that I bonded with so well, disappeared the last weekend we had in Swaziland.  We looked and asked around for her the last Saturday and Sunday we had left.  Unfortunately, I never got to have one last final good-bye.   I never got to tell her face to face how much she means to me and how much she has impacted me.  I never got to embrace her with all that I am, and tell her to be strong. 

Ayanda...where do I begin.  I cant even describe how much I miss her.  I miss staying up late in bed with her and listening to her giggle and tell me more about her life.  The morning we left, she crawled into bed with me at about 5:30 AM.  I was so out of it, but  in the midst of waking up,  I managed to realize and say "Ayanda, this is the last time we get to cuddle..."  Ayanda being so positive, said, "No, we will cuddle again next year."  After all the drama with our shuttle bus driver to the airport, we literally only had TWO MINUTES to say our final good byes to Ayanda and Johannes.  There was SO MUCH I wanted to say to Ayanda, that in the midst of all my sobbing, I couldnt make out the words.  While hugging Ayanda, I said, "I love you, and Im going to miss you."  Once again, with Ayanda staying strong, but on the verge of tears, said, "No, we can talk on the phone when Mary Kate calls."  Always so positive.  Courageous.  Optimistic.  Beautiful. 

I could write about so many other of the amazing Swaziland people.  But bottom line is, I want to go back.  I dont know when God will lead me there, but I just know deep down that I have to go back. 

Since I've been back, unfortunately I havent really had the time to just relish amongst God's beauty and soak in the fact that Im not in Africa anymore.  It's alot harder that I originally thought it would be.  And alot more difficult to entirely take in, and process all that I've seen, and experienced. 

Fortunately, I know that God has a plan.  I know that I can rest in that fact, and really just be still and remain in His peace.  Prayers are needed that I can commit and find the right campus ministry for me here at the University of Iowa.  And pray that I can come up with more ways to spread the word about Hosea's Heart! 

God bless you all, go out and make this day COUNT! 

Read Psalm 23.  :)

Lindiwe

On American soil.

Hello all!  On July 31st at approximately 7:00 PM, we landed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  Leaving Swaziland was by far one of the hardest things Ive ever had to deal with.  It definitely makes my "top 5 hardest crys of my life" list.  Ever since I've left, Ive wanted to go back.  I want to be thrown back into the sea of chocolate faces.  I want to be the minority.  I want to hear "Sabona!" or "Umulungu!"  I miss the accents.  The crazy driving.  The dirt.  The smell. The warm embraces of the all the stick thin arms.  I miss the feeling of getting my hair aggressively braided.  I miss how filthy I would feel after a long day of being out and about.   I miss wearing no makeup, and not showering often.  I miss wearing long skirts.  I miss recieving precious little notes from children.  I miss being called "teacha!" and "magay!"  I miss the sound of the constant dog barking.   I miss African church, and the free spirit of dancing.  I miss the warm smiles, and appreciative attitudes.  I miss the selfless and unconditional loving personalities.  I miss the evident faithfulness to Christ they all had.  I miss the acceptance and the poverty.  I miss the smell of maize meal.  I miss having rice and veggies almost EVERY night.   I miss being charged at from African children.  I miss eating at KFC with the prostitute girls.  I miss telling a broken girl... I love you.  I miss Swaziland.  Most of all, I miss the people, more than anything. 

Honestly...I've been struggling.  College has been a struggle.  I have been struggling with my identity, my place in life, and just trying to fit in.  I miss hearing Ayanda's laugh.  Her note still kills me... "I wish I had more time to tell you more of my story."  or Londi's comment when I was packing... "Please dont forget about us."  uhh.  How can I not let remarks such as these puncture and wound my heart forever. 

To sum everything up... I am going back to Swaziland.  One way...or another.  I dont know when...or how.  But, I just know deep down that God will guide me there once again. 

Thanks again for everyones unconditional support, love, donations, and prayers. 

Prayers are still needed as I continue to embark on my journey here in college. 

With all my love,

Lindiwe